I've been working on white lies...

I never knew what your love felt like. After all this time, I should feel resentment. But instead, I feel pain. Pain for never knowing you. You never knowing me. Pain for the strange way we converse because of it. Pain for wishing I had drank enough wine to warm me on the cold walk back to the car after hugging you. For the tears that we shed because the impact of the words I LOVE YOU when so seldom said. And for the way I hold them in until my door is shut and my seat belt fastened. I drove away tonight with no predetermined destination, but ended up at a place which was unoccupied 3 months prior and which I have only seen once since then. I feel pain for the sudden right turn that I made after realizing I was at your apartment. Pain for driving away because the only thing I know is distance. And pain for taking a different way home just to avoid being closer. I feel pain for having to go home and write about this instead of sharing it with you, and pain for the way I feel closer to you because you feel it too. Before, the only thing we shared was the red blood in our veins, but now we share pain. 01/16/11.